actually it's not that sorrow and painful. i'd just been loco for a while (even actually i'm a loco in my everyday life) hahahahaa..
it has been a nearly expert mode june and july in my life. a lot of things i saw, but none there to share. it has been two months when even those damned bitchachos also gone away. those bitchachos will realize, someday, yes someday.
the best things of this june and july is my fighting months. not just fighting for a chair in a uni for medical program, but it is also a fight in faith-hope-love.
why it was a fight that sounds so creepy? yes it was those moments that i have to fight a force that actually normally or even locoly, as a human i can't stand. but thank GOD i survived, and even i won for some fight (but still in the fight for uni intake). yes it is about some problems that i have to face, tough choices that i have to choose, and a walk and run to catch the star in my life. a lot of people told me that i've thrown away the love, but i have taught them what love is. and even me, myself, has known the true love. not just a lust, or even the way of making love (and even till today i never do it, i'm a virgin and i am proud -> i only did some make out though, hahahaaha \m/ ). i even could learn a lot of things, and know the best damn track and path for my life, that GOD had planned for me (the matter is, am i choosing that?). aha, fyi, i suffered a lot of fight to face mamafakin gossips about me and heartbreaks. and i survived! hallelujah!
well loco rite? hell yeah loco.
now let's just move from that topic to another. my free life (again and again).
yes it has been months i am being single. and it has been months that this world pushed me to make things back with her. but like what i have said. no is a no. it has been a tough choice, and i ain't regret anything. i even enjoy a lot of my me time. i actually pity her, cause i thought that she's doing a lot of things, getting a lot of ons and offs, searching a way to me (that i actually thought already a dead end). well i just jumped on her electronic diary too, and jumped on (not stalking, and it's not my coolness part) tweets. but fyi i have done those moments i'd lost with my family, my buddies and bitchachos, and even myself. now i can enjoyly doing things freely. none trying to capture me. as what Sting said (and i actually believe this) "if you love somebody, set 'em free".
nah, now the moment. actually i'm a bit envy with my cousins and their relationships. i love being single and free, but i also want someone here with me (but still give me my freedom). ah. but like what Beatles said, "obladi, oblada, life goes on, oooh..." hahahaahahaha..
well let me a little bit sum up what i have learned about love and relationship till today:
1. if you love somebody, set em free. why? cause everybody's free man. we are free to choose. you wanted freedom, give another people freedom. do for them what you wanted them to do for you.
2. love is not lust. hear the true voice of your heart. don't do things just based on pity or lust, or you'll drown in your own made "Cauldron of Pity and Lust". don't do that. i am the living example. i've suffered and survived.
3. draw yourself near, more and more to GOD. the closer you are to Him, the closer you are in a relation with human. but remember. live His path, not your own made path, or even world's path. (a lil bit religious huh? but it is true, i guarantee)
well at least i enjoy this nearly half of july, with all of those ups and downs, ons and offs. and just pray for me for those fights i still have to face. fyi i am waiting for the result of UM Diponegoro Uni, UM Gadjah Mada Uni, and still have to fight for SPMK Brawijaya Uni. i believe where ever GOD put me, it is the best.
and let me share a message:
"just wait and obey and do the things. and then you will reap a harvest. with one condition. no quitting at all"
all i am here from my crib, telling you this (nearly) half of july. xoxoxo
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